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The California Angels

I drove up to canada with about $500 and they wouldn't let me in.  So I
went west.  I met this guy in North Dakota who was really into talking to 
people about God. I think that most people would have passed him off to 
be completely nuts...  But I tried to reason things out that he was saying.
I was trying to be understanding and kind I guess.  I drove him up to 
canada.  I still wanted to go there for some reason.  He said he was 
supposed to go teach the animals to eat vegetables.  So i said ok.  We'll 
go.  I asked him if smoking cigarettes was wrong.  And he said he didn't 
see anything wrong with it.  So I decided really there doesn't seem to be 
anything morally wrong with them.  And I started smoking again.  Then he 
couldn't get into canada.  I guess they looked him up in the computer and 
he had some kind of a record or something.  I ended up thinking too much 
about what to think about him and I had enough so I asked him if it was ok 
if I dropped him off in a town that was nearby.  He said it was ok.

Then I went further west. somewhere around washington maybe I decided I
wanted to go see an indian reservation.  I guess I started to like the
naturalism ideology some people have, to get away from technology
and go commune with the plants and animals and spirits, that sort of
thing. I ended up finding one in oregon and drove through it.  I didn't 
know that indians live in buses and campers now.  It was quite a letdown.
So I drove on.  Then I had my first of many reocurring nightmares about 
Kristi.  I call them nightmares not because they are unpleasant but rather 
they are usually pleasant and sometimes far too pleasant. 
And it is more a nightmare when I wake up and am in the real
world where she won't even talk to me.

Well, I made my way into California.  I spent my first night in a hotel 
during this trip in a town called Yreka.  I didn't stay in Yreka except 
to sleep and to go to a garden shop.  I guess the naturalism thing was 
spreading its roots.  I picked up some girl who was hitchhiking on the 
outskirts of Etna, actually I didn't pick her up at first, then I decided 
to go back and see where she was heading (she was on the opposite side of 
the road).  I probably talked to her about God.
She took me to the cemetary to visit a friend's grave.  And she asked if
I would like to smoke some pot.  So I did.  Figuring the same thing as
cigarettes...that there is no moral wrong in some marijuana.  So I got high 
and took her home.

Then I went to a mountain close to Etna.  I started 
reading the bible that night, but I tired of it soon after (I had planned 
to read the whole thing while I was there, and leave when I finished it).
So I decided to climb the mountain... barefoot.  I took with me an afghan 
Kristi had made for me and a sack with some money, car keys and 
cigarettes.  I got unbalanced. And I thought about what was really 
important in life... to have my car and cigarettes and blanket or to go up 
on the mountain (thinking of how it seems like people would go find YHVH 
on a mountain or in nature while fasting and praying.)
So I ditched my stuff and climbed `til dark.  I watched the sunset play on 
the mountains opposite me, the sun was actually behind me, but the colors 
it brought to the mountains were beautiful.  It brought to mind the part 
in the song America the Beautiful, where it goes, "for purple mountain 
majesty..." to mind.  So I sang that song over and over for a while.  
I was still very far from the top when night came.  So I just sat there 
on a boulder and waited for morning.  And morning would not come.  It got 
very cold.  And I just sat there for a long time thinking it would end 
soon.  I dozed off (I found a spot where I would not fall if I rolled over) 
Then i woke up shortly after.  It seemed like it had not been fifteen 
minutes since I went to sleep.  It was so cold.  My feet were probably the 
worst, so I tucked them in under my sweatshirt. Then I had enough of it...
and using my inventive skills I found that dirt was much warmer on the 
feet than rock.  So I found a tree that grew up out of the side of the 
mountain and stuck my feet in the dirt at its base.  Later I heard 
something big moving around.  I figured it must be a bear or something.  
I was real scared for a while. So night passed and in the morning the sun 
came up, but it took a long time to warm the day.  And all I had was a 
sweatshirt and jeans and my coin which I had kept all these years.  The 
one I had found out in the playground in about third grade.  Then I 
decided I would never make it up the mountain and that this was dumb so 
I went back down.  And looked and looked for my belongings.  But could 
not find them.  And it was very frustrating.  (I could not leave without 
my car keys).  So I decided a prayer was in order.
So I decided again to climb the mountain.  And I climbed as high as I
could, for there was this layer of thornbrush that I could not get through 
(especially with bare feet) although I tried to bear the pain and push on, 
it was not the pain that stopped me. It was too thick and thus impenetrable.
So I went to a place where there were these very large boulders... and I 
prayed.  I prayed my heart out.  I prayed for the people of this 
world.  I prayed that YHVH would fix the problems here.  It seemed like 
there was too much wrong with the world. I wanted Him to make it better.  
I cried and cried and kept praying.  I got mad at YHVH for a time, and made
it part of my prayer also.  Because I didn't understand why He lets
people do evils to one another.  Then finally I prayed for a way to help 
the world.  And I left Him my coin on the spot where I prayed. And I 
descended.  And I remebered in the gospels as I was descending how jesus 
said if you believed something will happen then it will.  And I just tried 
to believe that YHVH (I called Him God still then) would lead me to my bag 
so I could get back off the mountain. And He did.  And the blanket was not 
next to the bag. But when I left them there it was.

I left the mountain and made my way to Arcata, California. Stayed the 
night near there.  Then went to Eureka the next day and bought some 
indian cigarettes.  And then I was going back to Arcata when I picked up 
a couple of fellows hitchhiking.  And we smoked some pot at one of their 
friend's places there in arcata, and left again.
And they led me to cougar hot springs in Oregon. We got to cougar and some 
guy was all dosed up and kept asking "WHAT IS GOD'S NAME?"  like it was a 
matter of life and death.  Then morning came and we had
coffee cooked on a burner.  And the two guys went to the hot springs.
Everyone there seemed to be getting nude.  And not even thinking about it. 
Well, my religious beliefs were conflicting with that at the moment, so I 
didn't take off more than my shirt.  I just found a place where nobody 
was close and jumped in with my jeans on.  Took them a while to dry off, 
especially since I couldn't hang them.  So i went back to the car and met 
some guy who had been out in nature for months  And he said he likes
to give rocks to people... so he gave me a rock.  We talked for a while 
while the other two guys were busy at a campfire... and when I told him I 
thought I would leave soon, he took me to his campsite and got some desert 
sage for me to burn, as incense.  I ended up leaving that night.

So I went south.  I picked up another hitchhiker.  I told him I 
didn't know where I was going...  So he took me to Cave Junction, Or.  We 
smoked some pot there, and my mind went racing in a thousand directions.  
I ended up leaving the poor guy behind and walking around in the forest half 
naked.  Then I found a spot and I knelt down and prayed and then I just had 
that feeling again, (YHVH) and He said "He's Coming!"  So I ran out of there
and told that guy all enthusiastically, "He's Coming!"  And he said to
me, "who?" and I didn't know.  Jesus?  God?  who?  so I gave this guy my 
car.  And I walked off barefoot out of there with some mushrooms the two 
guys had given me. I ditched the bag again, mushrooms and all, so I never 
got to try mushrooms until a little later.  I was somewhat excited about 
the idea (drugs in a visionary type of use).  Someone saw me walking and 
gave me a lift.  I told him I didn't have anywhere to go so he took me 
to some church there.  I stayed for a few days.

There, I met what I call the first angel I had met.  It was as if you 
could almost sense what he was.  The first thing he said to me was, "I 
don't know but I've been told, `You never slow down, you never grow old'."  
He asked who sang that and I said Tom Petty.  He told me some things.  
I asked him what kind of religion he was of, and he answered me, 
"Basically the Ten Commandments.  He 
said he's not what you call "Christian".  He told me he got divorced once, 
and he told me about a girl he had met when he was out at cougar hot 
springs.  I asked him about smoking and about how it causes cancer.  He 
told me he heard there's a cure. He did elaborate on the cure for cancer.  
He said it comes from (yew), they used to make bows out of (yew).  And he 
said something about eating the skin which lies underneath the bark.  He 
looked like a person.  And I asked him his name.  He looked up as if 
deciding on a name, and said "Loel".  Loel gave me some hemp twine, and 
I asked what it was for.  He said I could make something with it, a 
necklace maybe.  He taught me how to braid.  He showed me a tatoo he has, 
it was a mace.  no colors, just black ink.  He told me he did it himself, 
and that it reminds him of an experience he had when he was overseas.  
I think from the tone of that bit of conversation that it was not something 
which was a pleasant experience.  Loel smoked some herb with us, and he had 
a pipe he had made himself.  I think he likes to make as much as he can by 
himself, I guess he's one of those crafty type people.  He always had a 
water bottle with him, and I asked him if I could have drinks alot.  He 
had a hemp cord around the neck of the bottle.  He had hiking boots and he 
carried around one of those hiking backpacks.  He asked once if I wanted to 
look through his stuff to see if there was anything that I wanted, but I 
felt like I would be intruding, so I didn't.  I asked him to roll 
cigarettes for me, and he said I should learn to roll my own.  I never 
really learned how to roll a cigarette before.  But I learned while I was 
there.  I think I roll them more like joints than cigarettes though.  
I remember talking to him about drugs, in a spiritual sense I guess, how 
drugs can be used for finding YHVH.  And he said to me, "For some people it 
takes drugs." 

For a time they had given me the keys to the church because there were 
fires in the hills out there at the time, and a bunch of them went to help 
in them.  One day when everyone was gone, and I had the church to myself, 
I went in and found the incensce bowl, and burned the sage the man at 
cougar hot springs had given to me.  I burned it on the altar, and it 
started raining outside right when I was burning it.  I took off one night.  
I gave someone the keys and told the people who were there that I was 
leaving.  They said farewells and I left...  barefoot again.

I got picked up by this guy who was singing "I am the mushroom man,
I am the mushroom man."  And he was swerving all over the road and he 
really scared me. But then I was thinking about jesus on the boat so I 
calmed down.  Ok so I told him I couldn't eat any mushrooms (he offered 
them to me) I said I was fasting.  He said that's the best time to eat 
them.  So after we stopped where he lived (a commune) I ate some.  Then I 
had a vision about this war being waged between these "good and evil 
vampires (devils and angels)" and it going on in I guess the background 
of regular human life. The dogs started barking at me, because I was out 
walking around.  Some guy came out and asked me where I was from.  I 
tried to answer him, but all that I could think to say was "earth".  So 
I said I was from earth.  I didn't sleep any that night and I was buzzing 
still when people started to wake up.  Before everyone else got up,  a 
nice pretty girl offered me some tea and I drank.  Some other dogs were 
out and running around.  I liked one of them better than the rest.  He was 
kind of the runt of the lot.  Just a puppy.  I talked to her some about 
religion and all.  And then the "mushroom man" played some Dead for me.  
I asked him to play "friend of the devil," because it is one of the few 
songs I knew of theirs.  Then time came for me to leave.  I almost took 
the puppy because the girl offered it to me, but I declined at the last 
minute thinking no one would pick me up if I had a dog with me. 

So I was dropped off by the road and hitched a ride for a bit.  We talked
about fishing and how you need a liscence and all.  Then I got picked up by 
another guy and I told him about some of the things that had happened to me.
He spoke to me with a scottish accent. And he gave me some water and I fell 
asleep.  Then I woke up and it was just time to be let off.  And I got 
another ride into arcata.

When I first got to arcata I went to find a place 
there that some people told me there was a large tipi where people would 
camp out. On the way to the park, I met this guy and asked if I could have 
a drag of his cigarette.  He gave me a drag and talked to me for a while.  
I asked him about pot and he said for now there is beer and cigarettes.  
He asked some lady passing by if she had any change, he said he was, 
"trying to feed my brothers who are starving."  The some other people who 
I didn't see before were there too, I guess they had been there all along, 
only I had not seen them.  Then the man was talking to me again, and he 
said something in a scottish accent.  And I remembered when I had told the 
person who gave me a ride earlier that day about my story, and he also 
spoke in a scottish accent.  I was dumbfounded.  I said to him, "I don't 
understand."  He answered simply, "You don't have to."  Then he shooed me 
along.  So I went to the park.  I met some people in the park and told 
some people about Loel, and some of the other things that had happened to 
me, trying to figure out what exactly these strange people were who kept 
popping up in my life recently.  and the people there asked me about 
rastafarianism, and if there might be some tie with that in my story, but 
I did not know what rastafarianism was, and they didn't explain any more 
about it.  So time got late and people left.  And then I left after not 
having found any tipis.  On the way back to town I met the scottish man 
again, and I tried to stop and talk with him, but he told me to keep 
moving.  I called my parents to see if they might get me a hotel room, but 
I noticed on the phone, it had 666 in part of it's number so I kind of 
thought it might be some sort of sign that I should let YHVH deal with 
things.  So I didn't call them back.

I went to the square there in arcata and I met "Blue Eyes" (from my poem).  
The second angel.  I call him Blue Eyes because when I first looked into 
his eyes, that was when I knew what it is that he was.  Just like I had 
sensed something about Loel when I had spoken with him.  Blue Eyes gave me 
a blanket and some socks (nights were pretty cold out there) and later some 
incensce to burn.  Someone (the later friend of Blue eyes who we smoked pot 
with) asked what it was, but I knew it was incensce already.  So I burned 
it up to YHVH. Blue Eyes said  to me "Go to Kauai." and I was puzzled, so 
he said to me, "It is one of the islands of Hawaii."  Smallest of the 
islands of Hawaii. Blue Eyes told me to look up at the moon, but I had lost
my glasses (rather I had discarded them) when I was out in the woods earlier 
before going to the church. So I could not see the moon.  He told me there 
was a halo around it.  And that it was very unusual to see it like that.  
Other people began looking and seeing it and saying to each other about it. 
Eventually the bars closed and the square had to be vacated.  I found a 
place to sleep in a parking lot not far from there.  I probably should have 
walked further until I found a better place to rest, but I was too tired to 
make it anywhere else.  So I just layed down and fell asleep, wrapped up in 
Blue Eyes' blanket.  I woke up early.  I always seem to wake up early when 
I am cold.  And I went into the square.  I met a man there who talked to me 
for a bit.  Then he offered to buy me coffee, and I accepted.  We went into 
the coffee shop, but I didn't have any shoes on, so they made me leave.  
Later that day Blue Eyes showed up again.  He talked to me about a religion 
that cuts off all of their hair and lets it grow out again afterwards.  
He told someone else about it, and they said to him that they had heard 
about that before.  I think he said it was an eastern religion.  Blue Eyes 
talked about having to do laundry.  Blue Eyes then found a friend of his, 
and asked him if we could go smoke a bowl together.  His friend didn't 
really want to bring me along with, but Blue Eyes talked him into it.  
We smoked a bowl behind a baseball field or something like that, in some 
bushes.  Blue Eyes said a prayer when his turn came around, "Give thanks 
and praise."  We went back to the square and there was a box of pears 
sitting there.  I wanted to eat some of them, but I didn't know whose 
they were, so I left them alone.  I was hungry.  There was a knife in the 
box, and Blue Eyes tried to give it to me, he said I needed it.  But I 
declined his offer.  I didn't want to take it if it belonged to somebody 
else.  Blue Eyes and his friend talked about going to a music festival, 
I think it was called Hog Fest.  I didn't want to go, so I hitched a ride 
south, while most of the people were going north out of town.

So time passed in california and eventually I got hungry and couldn't
take living homeless anymore so I called and asked my parents to bail me 
out.  So they got me a bus ticket back from santa something (barbara?)  
I just remember the city, whatever it was was next to the ocean.

Then, in February 1997, I went to Kauai.